1800's Farmhouse where I grew up

Sunday, March 6, 2011

I Still Do

Thirty years ago today I was on spring break from my first teaching job.  It was also the week before my wedding, which had initially been planned for summer of that year.  Teaching at the same school as my husband, a couple states away from home, we decided to move the wedding up to our spring break. I had a week off for the final list of things to do, and a honeymoon week following the mid-break ceremony.  Perfectly laid plan.
From the date of our engagement in August of the previous year, plan time amounted to only seven months, and was being done long distance, mostly by my mom.  In retrospect, I am amazed we were able to pull things together so fast, and so well.  While time was not on our side, the fact that I was no "bridezilla" was. I would travel three hours home for weekends spent dress shopping, flower selecting, and reception hall hunting.  Once I had THE DRESS, the rest was easy.  My fairly simple tastes made selection of invitations easy and flowers even easier.  A reception to be held in the ballroom of a local racquet club was also a piece of cake....which they provided with the sit down dinner for almost 200. 
There were no real snags except the missing song for our first dance, for which we easily substituted another equally romantic and meaningful tune.  The most wonderful memory I have from the day of my wedding was the feeling of calm, and everything being right with the world as I waited for the evening ceremony. I was a very happy bride.
Thirty years later I still am. I still "do".  I find it uncanny at the timing of my husband discovering a yellowed slip of paper among his mother's things yesterday, much like I did recently.
His mother and I were not what I consider to be close while she was alive, but I loved her and wished I had the words to comfort, to connect, or to just talk sometimes during her life ending battle with cancer.  I am sure she knew my depth of caring, but it makes me pause with regret to this day.  Before John and I married, she and I never talked about marriage, and she never shared with me any advice or thoughts on the nuptials. Now, thirty years later, my husband handed me this just discovered top ten list, written in his mom's own handwriting.
"The Ten Most Important Things in a Marriage".  Love, laughter, talk, involvement, friendships, integrity, tolerance, adaptability, sex, sharing.  All true, so true.  I can't help but wonder at the circumstances causing her to pen the list. Was it something she had shared with my late sister-in-law perhaps, or a moment of wisdom she had hoped to share with me or my husband? We will never know for sure, but the fact that it has surfaced means it will give future generations the benefit of her insight and power of perseverance with a man she loved with all her heart... when he wasn't driving her crazy. I am grateful to have this heartfelt, handwritten advice to pass onto my own daughter, together with my own recipe for a good marriage, before she weds the love of her life one day. 
A warm country hug to all,
Lisa <3

1 comment:

  1. i love you & dad!! i keep tellin you that i can only hope that after 30 years of marriage dontey and i are like you and dad <3 you two are THE BEST